This deviation has been labeled as containing themes not suitable for all deviants.
Log in to view

Deviation Actions

ED3765's avatar
By
Published:
24.7K Views

Literature Text

This content is unavailable.
The third holiday story request for :iconshojiamasawa:  Which Rin tries to leave Shiro some nice presents for Christmas. Enjoy!

As always, read, comment and fav.

-ED3765


copyright

I do not own any characters used in this story.

keywords:

bound and gagged tied up bondage helpless restrain damsel in distress struggle DiD ED3765 fanfic Fate/Stay night Rin Saber bare feet sock cloth gag tickle tickling hogtie OTM
Mature
© 2014 - 2024 ED3765
Comments16
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
mrhungry56's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

I don't know the history of any of the characters in this story, nor do I recognize the author, but I read the story and see that a request for a critique has been made.

I thought the story was very entertaining. No doubt those readers who find tickling to be erotic will find that aspect of the story quite fulfilling as the descriptions of the tied characters and their helplessness to avoid a good tickling of their exposed soles was very well described.

One technical issue with the writing that I would respectfully like to address is the punctuation at the end of a spoken sentence. Take, for instance, the sentence "He just left for Sakira's place." Saber informed her.

If you look at that, you'll see that Saber informed her. is actually a sentence by itself, and by itself it means nothing. There should be a comma in there instead of a period because both sentences are really part of the same sentence.

"He just left for Sakira's place," Saber informed her.

Check out any book on your bookshelf and you'll see that this is correct.

Other than that minor issue, great offering! I suspected the twist at the end but it was still fun to read what Shirou saw when he entered the room.